Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The best version of me?? Where is she....

I just realised I've been the worst version of myself. Watching Mish's video just made me realise how awful I've been. I'm actually quite sad now.

When things happen I revert straight to old habits and then hate myself. Why the heck can't I get my eating under control, some days I just eat and eat and eat.

I don't like who I am at the moment, I hate putting my jeans on only to realise I look like crap, I hate getting dressed to go somewhere and feeling like I look like shit.

I need this, so why can't I get my head around this??? It makes me so mad.

Maybe I need to focus on the positives and change my outlook which in turn will change my headpsace. Some of the positives are:
  • I no longer drink alcohol every night of the week - at most it's a beer or 2 1-2 nights per week.
  • I'm loving getting up on a Saturday and not being hungover.
  • I love that my partner doesn't drink as much anymore cause he doesn't have a 'drinking buddy' at home anymore.
  • My blood pressure is 'normal' again.
Damn it, this is so hard. I never thought it would be easy, but why does it have to be so hard.

Lots of thinking to be done tonight. Need to sort my head out.

I'm sure I'll get there.

1 comment:

  1. The best version of you is right there to see. You have made some amazing progress (I know how hard it is to give by a nightly drink!)
    It will never be easy, as soon as you think you have it sorted, life will throw another ball at you to juggle, but by coping & getting ahead every day you are being the best version of you!
    Can't wait to read more of your blog now I have found it!